yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
