U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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