Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
