Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
