Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
