Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
someone owes me an orgasm
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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