I think I am morally bankrupt
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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