marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
