pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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