i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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