please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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