So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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