Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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