so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
