If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
