Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
accomplished twins. life is a go
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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