The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
