if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
