last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
