he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
