her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
two words...techno handjob
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
