i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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