No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
