i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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