she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
