the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
