If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
