I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
