Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I want to be your penis for a week.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
