Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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