Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
