So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
