I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
