That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
