my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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