I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
