I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
