So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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