Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I need a beard to bite.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
