Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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