i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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