what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
