Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
