it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
