im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
