sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
