dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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