I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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