My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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