my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
