he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
