I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
