I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
